The Art of Confident Conversation By Mike Moore

When I first started speaking for a living I had great difficulty with one-on-one conversation with members of my audience. I could speak before 2500 people and enjoy every minute of it, but when I was expected to mix and mingle my tongue became all thumbs. I decided to get to work
improving my conversation skills and researched the topic thoroughly. My efforts paid off for now I can speak with anyone, anywhere for any length of time. Let me share with you what I learned.

* There are three fundamental principles upon which good conversation is based. 1. It is better to be interested than interesting 2. There is nothing as flattering as the undivided attention of another human being. 3. People long to talk about their favourite topic which is "themselves." Keep these in mind and you can't fail in becoming a great conversationalist.

* Assume the responsibility for starting and maintaining the conversation.
* I usually begin with a friendly " Hi, I'm Mike Moore and I'm from Canada" Usually the response is " Hello, Mike I am ____________ and I'm from___________. (Away you go.)
* Use the person's name throughout the conversation. It shows that you're interested in and focussed on the other.
* Let the other be the centre of attention.
* Show a genuine interest in the one you're speaking with. Maintain eye contact.
* Ask questions that require more than a one word answer.
* When you ask a question listen attentively to the answer and be quick to ask another question arising from the response to the first. You learn what to say by listening carefully to what was said.
* Put the other at ease by smiling and nodding frequently throughout the conversation.
* Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

* Don't feel the need to disagree until you get to know the person better.

GREAT CONVERSATION PHRASES
* " That's interesting. Tell me more."
* " Give me an example of what you mean."
* " How would you like to see it turn out?"
* "How did you feel when that happened to you?"

CONVERSATION STARTERS
* Give a compliment.
* Ask for advice.
* Seek help with something.
* Give praise.
* Seek an opinion.
I keep six honest servants
They taught me all I know.
Their names are what and why and when
And how and where and who.
R. Kipling

This is an excerpt from Mike Moore’s booklet How to Overcome Shyness and Connect with People available from http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?shyness
Mike Moore is an international speaker and writer on human potential, motivation and humour. http://www.motivationalplus.com


 

New Cartoon: My Frustration with " The View"

The other day my wife asked me to come  and watch a segment on THE VIEW. I did and was totally frustrated by the absolute lack of listening skills. People were cutting one another off, talking over one another. The poor guest host couldn't get a word in. I had to leave the room - I was so frustrated! This cartoon was the result.

 

Check out more cartoons

Climbing the Listening Ladder

I wrote in my book "Embracing the Mystery" that there was nothing as flattering or as rare as the undivided attention of another. The fact is that people just don't listen well. I think it was Mark Twain who wrote that a bore is someone who wants to talk about himself when I want to talk about myself.

How many times have you experienced someone asking you a question, not out of a genuine concern for what you have to say, but rather as an opportunity for them to flood you with their thoughts and opinions on an issue?

People have a hunger to be listened to- to have someone care enough to suspend their own agenda in the interest of another's. Sadly, such unselfish, attentive people are few..

I once had a man at a party come up to me and say that my wife, Carol was a terrific conversationalist. On the way home that same evening I told Carol what he had said and asked her what she did to give him that impression. She thought for a moment and said, "All I did was ask him questions about his life and listen to his answers. From his answers I asked more questions." Therein lies the secret to good conversation ...LISTENING WELL.

From Carol's insight I have developed what I call the listening ladder. Climb the listening ladder and you will be on your way to improved social interaction.

THE LISTENING LADDER

L. Look at the person speaking to you.. This alone sends out the message that you are focussed and involved.

A. Ask additional questions flowing from answers given to your original starting questions. Remember that you learn what to say by listening to what has been said.

D. Don't interrupt. The only time an interruption is acceptable is when you require clarification.

D. Don't change the subject. The speaker will indicate when they are finished their story.

E. Empathize with the speaker. Short phrases such as, "How interesting." "How exciting." "You must be so proud." Send the speaker the message that you are an empathic, caring listener.

R. Respond to what is said verbally and non-verbally. A simple nod or leaning slightly toward the speaker indicates interest and attention. Add to this such phrases as, "I see." "Really?" "Is that right?" and you enrich your response.

In conclusion I want to make something clear. Conversation is a two way affair. Most conversations are monologues conducted in the presence of an observer. If, after a reasonable period of time, the one speaking isn't willing to ask you a question and become a listener then conclude the interaction and move on. I usually give the one speaking ten minutes. If, after that time, they haven't asked me a question or my opinion I say something like, " It was nice chatting with you. Conversation MUST be reciprocal.

I like the story of the self-possessed Hollywood star who was heard saying to an admirer, "Enough about me talking about me. I'd like to hear you talk about me for awhile." There is a great deal of truth in this little story.
Good luck climbing the Listening ladder. The view from the top is fantastic.

For a copy of Mike's popular book " Embracing the Mystery" Click Here