Now this is FUNNY!

An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 230 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my moped!'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 20 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster!

'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 200 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!

Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 220 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 230 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,

'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.

For More Funny Stuff

 

Humour is Everywhere. Look For it and Enjoy

Humour is Everywhere

As many of you know I speak on the topic of humour and attitude in human health and relations. I am always on the look-out for humour that flows out of our shared human condition.

When I hear or observe a funny situation or story I write it down in my ever present notebook for possible use in a book or future talk.

Here is one from my collection. Hope you like it.

A commercial airline pilot, on his way to take over a flight out of Calgary, sat next to a mother who was nursing her newborn baby. As he glanced her way she felt the need to explain, " My doctor said it would prevent the baby's ears from plugging on take-off and landing."

Not knowing how to respond the pilot found himself saying," And all these years of flying I have been chewing gum."

For more funny stories to give your life a lift and a laugh...
http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?light

A Concern I Have About George Washington

I Wonder... Was reading recently that George Washinton wore wooden dentures. That got me thinking. I wonder if he lived in fear of woodpeckers, termites and the emerald ash borer?
http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?light

5 Questions that Must be Asked if the World is to Survive

5 questions we must refelect upon if the world is to survive.

1. How come we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
2. How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

3. How do you know when your bagpipes are out of tune?
4. How come fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
5. How come economy- size means big in soap but small in cars?

I want to stress my belief that the world will never become what it can and should be unless these profound questions are seriously addressed.
http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?light

Article: When I Was Your Age... By Mike Moore

Have you ever noticed that we often end up doing and saying things we vowed we never would? 

When I was a teenager I asked my Dad for a ride to school after a severe snowstorm covered Sault Ste. Marie to a depth of six miles. The school was about two miles from my home and I was trying hard to convince my Dad that my death would be on his conscience if he made me walk in that kind of weather. His response was predictable.  “When I was your age I walked to school in snow drifts up to my neck. ”

 I always doubted him when he said this as I knew he grew up in Ingersoll in southern Ontario.  I don't think Ingersoll ever got snow drifts as high as Dad described them.  Anyway, I got his message and headed out to school under my own power. I recall thinking as I ploughed through snow, I will never, under any circumstances, say to my kids, “When I was your age.”

The years rolled by, I got married and fathered four wonderful children.  On many occasions I found myself uttering the very words I vowed I would never would, “When I was your age.... ”.  I am sure their thoughts were the same as mine, “I will never utter those words when I have kids of my own.”  But, I was wrong.

Years later when my son Kevin was in his early twenties he got a summer job harvesting tobacco.  It was a long, hard, dirty job and he would come home each night with his buns around his ankles. 

One evening he stood in front of me with a smile on his dirty, weary face and said, “Well now I've got my own, when I was your age”. Someday I'll be able to say to my kids, “When I was your age I worked on tobacco from dawn to dusk in the heat and humidity, never complaining.......” And so it continues

This is just one of the stories from my popular book, “Light Up with Laughter”. Check it out at

http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?light

 

 

A Funny Life Experience: LET’S GO HOME

 

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon.  You know, the kind of afternoon that shouts to every man, “Let’s go shopping for furniture.”  My wife said we needed a new chair, an ottoman and a painting for the family room and would like to have me there to help pick them out.  My powers of decorative selection are known far and wide, I guess.

I reluctantly agreed but pointed out that my bad back precluded any heavy lifting.  We would have to get their employees to carry whatever furniture we bought, to our van. Carol agreed saying that the last thing she wanted was me moaning and groaning from back pain.

After an hour or three looking we had the items selected and paid for.  All that remained for us to do was to get them to the van, then home where our three grown sons could take over.

When I explained my medical incapacity to the sales person she said that the men who did the heavy lifting were out on a delivery and wouldn't be back for quite a while.  At this point my misguided masculine pride took over and I heard myself saying something like, “I can handle this stuff. It isn't that heavy. ” “Michael, (she always calls me Michael when she goes for emphasis) you will not touch that furniture.  I do not want you flat on your back writhing in pain for two months” “But who's going to carry it if I don’t?” I asked. “We will,” she said, pointing to two attractive, well dressed young sales women.

With that Carol and her squad of power lifters went to work hoisting and carrying the chair, ottoman and huge picture while I, her 6' 3" 200 pound husband, stood watching. We left the store with Carol and her high heeled helpers carrying the furniture while I tagged along behind them looking sheepishly at the six million other shoppers all of whom just happened to be looking directly at me.  It was difficult, but I resisted the overwhelming temptation to explain why I was carrying nothing but my wife's purse. “Let’s go home.”

Just seeing humour in a situation is almost as effective as the laughter it  evokes.

Always take the comic view of life.

Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods. 

 

Mike Moore is a popular motivational speaker who writes and speaks on Humour, Attitude and Human Potential. This is an excerpt from his Book “Light Up with Laughter” (The Humour and Health Connection) A book you’ve got to get to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Drop by my store and say hello.

http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?light   

Four Thoughts About Humour and Laughter

1. " There ain't much fun in medicine, but there's a lot of medicine in fun." Josh Billings ( 19th Century humourist

2. "You begin to solve your problems when you start to see the humour in them." Anon

3. "Humour makes bad things better and good things better still." Anon

4. "If you're not allowed to laugh in heaven I don't want to go there" Martin Luther

Light Up With Laughter

Something toThink About

A preschooler impressed his parent's guests with how well he could read. One of them asked the little boy how he learned to read so well at such a young age. The little guy replied, " I eat a lot of alphabet soup.

Positive thinking... Rain is a FREE car wash.

The doctor told me to give up red meat so there goes my ketchup.

Three Thought Provokers
We seem to have a cultural bias against getting older and looking it. MM

In our desire to give our children what we didn't have as a child we run the risk of not giving them the great things we did have. MM

Something in us dies when we lose the joy and excitement of living. MM
More Moore stuff http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?embracing

Four Empowering Thoughts

* I am the product of the thoughts I think.

* " When running up a hill it's OK to give up as many times as you want as long as your feet keep moving." D. Millman

* When life puts a hurdle in front of you become a high jumper.

* Laughter destroys all limits to your thinking. When laughing you're open to all possibilities.

For more on Unleashing Your Potential Click Here